“The Devil’s Beattitudes”

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians – they save me the effort of trying to keep them from God’s blessings.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked – its pretty easy to keep them from working for God.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church – they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the trouble makers – they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers – I’m all ears for them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes – for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church – for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip – for they shall cause strife and division – that pleases me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended – for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work – for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister – for they shall be with me forever.



  1. Posted January 26, 2007 at 11:23 am | Permalink

    Well written and SO true sadly. Doubt there’s any of us who could truthfully say we don’t comply with at least one of those if not more, but a good reminder not to!!

  2. Posted January 26, 2007 at 12:44 pm | Permalink

    that’s disturbing and spurious. i’m not a christian, but neither am i a satanist or a devil’s advocate.

  3. Posted January 26, 2007 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    Best post I have read in a long time! It’s scary how true that is!

  4. Posted January 28, 2007 at 4:04 am | Permalink

    I can’t say I agree with the use of the word blessed…cursed would be more appropriate, don’t you think? Great food for thought…

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