H.O.U.N.D. — Help Obama Undermine our Nation’s Democracy!
Are you tired of coalition democracy? Do you believe that “win at any cost” should be the motto of our top candidates? Do you love it when allies attack their own? Don’t you think it’s hilarious when blanket accusations of racism against regular voters work to undermine one candidate? Were you thrilled to watch the national party disenfranchise millions of voters because they favored one candidate? Wasn’t it just GREAT when they stole 4 delegates from one senator, gave them to their pet, and then justified their decision with media exit polls? Isn’t awesome that we are now allowed to ridicule women candidates and women voters on national TV and the internet by calling them castraters, bitches, ugly, fat, old, stupid, and hormonal!?!
Do you love it when politicians use empty promises, shallow slogans, network marketing, corporate bundling, and astroturfing to create a mirage of political viability? Do you spend your nights trolling other people’s websites posting hateful insults, threats, and condescending postures masquerading as deep political insight?
Then YOU, my friend, are a HOUND DOG! Welcome to our Movement. We offer HOPE to CHANGE the Democratic Party and our nation! We will replace secret ballots with public caucuses! We will use our mighty internet skills to shut down, deface, and discredit all who dissent or oppose our Great Cause! We will offer you candidates who make you faint; who make you forget your rational thinking skills; who make you forget that decent politicians and great leaders inspire citizens with their competence, experience, and vision for ALL Americans. In place of these old, useless values, we will give you candidates who inspire with Platitude, Attitude, and Purges!
Join us in this mission. Together we CAN change the system so that it works only for the few. Together we CAN excise the old, the poor, the sick, the vulnerable, and the “different” from our Pure Movement. We will be a coalition of healthy, young, affluent, urban, and damn good-looking people who think EXACTLY LIKE YOU!
Join H.O.U.N.D. today so we can start the work of undermining democracy in America from coast to coast this summer! Are you shocked at our Audacity? Are you amazed at the scope of our Great undertaking? Do you have doubts that we can accomplish all we have set out to do? Well, worry no more my friend. YOU are the change. YOU will be part of our Great H.O.U.N.D. Movement, and to the doubters who don’t believe we can actually inflict as much damage on the nation as we intend, we have one simple answer: YES, WE CAN!
Oh, and give me five dollars.
